So, I’ve been keeping a mental list of things people tell me regarding my pregnancy, and most of it, well, how do I put it? I don’t know whether I should digest it as rude, helpful, or completely random and funny. I guess it depends on who’s asking. I don’t know if it’s my hormones or just my personality in general (most people would agree with the later, in which case I must be kind of B*) but, I really can’t stand most things people tell me and I feel like punching them in the face and telling them “Really? Are you kidding me? Did you really just tell me that?” However, I just nod, giggle my fake little laugh, and carry on with my biznass. In any case I’m sure most of you reading this blog can relate to these comments, and if not, take note, and have a laugh with me.

“WHOA! You are SO PREGNANT!”

“You only look pregnant from the front, from the back I never would have known.”

“Do you know what you’re having? Hopefully it’s not a girl, you’d go broke.”

“Do you know what you’re having? Hopefully it’s not a girl, it would be another princess like you.” – I’m really not sure how to digest this one…But I am a princess so there!

“Did you find out what you’re having? Don’t you should wait and make it a surprise!” – I love surprises, but, finding out I was pregnant was a surprise enough for me and my family.

“I think you’re gonna have a boy, you’re carrying REALLY low. NO I MEAN, really really really really REAAALLLYY LOW.” – Awesome, I’m pretty sure my stomach is right where it’s supposed to be, not dragging on the floor like my boobs, which brings me to my next comment.

“Your boobs! My god, they’re amazingly huge!”

“Holy boobs! Imagine when you’re milk comes in! They’re only gonna get BIGGER!” – Gee thanks, like I hadn’t thought of that already, they’re already painful, and I can’t wear a bra, rub it in why don’t you.

“You’re all boobs and no belly, you must be pocho” – pocho means Portuguese ancestry.

“When did you get so big?” – Oh I don’t know, like immediately after I found out I was pregnant.

“You’re so small still? how come? I hope nothing is wrong!”

“Do you still eat fish? what? you do? I didn’t when I was pregnant.” – I honest to goodness thank you for caring, and praise you for your selflessness, however, yes I eat fish, I don’t load up on it everyday, and to top it off yes I still drink an occasional soda and coffee. Ease up.

“OMG, you’re so gonna be a milf now.” – Dope, exactly what I’ve always wanted to be in life.

“Do you know what you’re having? They say girls mess up your body, but you no look fat so you must be having a boy.” – awesome. I don’t look fat, just like I strapped a basketball to my stomach for kicks! I know this was totally meant as a compliment, so it’s forgiven.

“I think you’re gonna have a girl, I had a dream about you last night.” – Oh awesome! Are you a fortune teller now? And what the hell was I doing in your dreams may I ask. Totally flattering but weird at the same time.

“Do you still have sex? Is that safe?” – I’m not telling you and it’s none of your business. RUDE!

“You must be so happy!” – Yup, aside from the all day sickness, swollen legs and feet, ass cramps, waddling, discharge (yea I said discharge), leg cramps, hunger pangs, I’m totally stoked that I’m gonna deliver a 6-9 lb being through my vagina.

“Are you excited?” – In the first trimester my answer was always yes, but I really wanted to say NO! HELL TO THE NO! The first trimester is HORRIFIC and TERRIFYING and I was a selfish “princess”, curled up in a ball in my bed, throwing up my intestines, would you be excited at that point? Now, I can honestly say yes I’m excited. Excited to meet my little one, definitely NOT excited to give birth and the after effects.

“Are you still working?” – Yea, I’m pregnant, not crippled and bed ridden. (although did you know pregnancy IS considered a disability?) Although after further thought this comment is definitely valid considering I’m a flight attendant and usually you don’t see pregnant flight attendants waddling through the aisles.

“When I was pregnant, I didn’t get morning sickness, so I don’t know what that feels like.” – WELL FRICKEN YAY FOR YOU!

“How much weight have you gained? Because you are HUGE!” – ABSOLUTELY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

“Are you sure you’re not having twins?” – YES! I saw the ultrasound from week 5, there’s definitely only one in there. Are you trying to say I look fat?

“Are you absolutely sure you’re not having twins, you never know, anything is possible.” – YES!!!! NO TWINS!

“You still wear your pre-pregnancy pants? lucky you.” – Dude, you asked and I told, If you don’t wanna feel like you looked like a house when you were pregnant, then don’t ask!

“Was this planned?” or “Was it in accident?” – As a matter of fact it wasn’t, but really? Does it make a difference? I’m still gonna have to give birth to it.

“Have you been thinking about names?” or “Did you pick a name yet?” – Yes, we’ve thought about and discussed it. No, I’m not telling you because I don’t need your opinion or you judging what I’ve picked for my beansprout. You’ll find out soon enough and you’ll be completely fine with it.

“Oh! I didn’t know you’re pregnant! I didn’t even know you were married!?” – First of all, maybe because I didn’t feel the need to tell you I was pregnant. Second of all, really? In this day and age you don’t need to be married! (Although don’t get me wrong, I totally believe in having babies after marriage, we just got it a little backwards and we’re totally welcoming the surprise.)

“You need to get married before you give birth.” – Oh really? Do I? Didn’t know that you were such an authoritarian. Bite me. I’m not gonna look like a house on my wedding day and I’ll get married when I damn well please.

“You look fat.” – Have you looked in the mirror lately? is my usual response in my mind. Okay, I don’t know why this one really gets to me. Normally, I would just let it roll off my back but this really strikes a nerve. Maybe because I had weight issues in the past and in the past few years I’ve been pretty tiny. I don’t know. If you wouldn’t say to a non-pregnant person, don’t say it to a pregnant person.

I’ll post more as they come, and BELIEVE ME, they just keep coming.

22 weeks 1 day