Being a parent is HARD.  There are parents out there who make it look easy and there are those that make it look like a horror film (I think I’m somewhere in the middle, I hope).    I envy the ones who make it look easy and to the ones who are having a tough time, I tip my hat, because we’ve all been there.

Your child is screaming at the top of their lungs because they want to eat the grapes straight from the refrigerator, thing is that you’re still in the supermarket.  Your child is screaming, yet again, because they don’t want you to fill their cup with milk, they want to do it.  Problem is, your pouring a full gallon of milk into a bottle that has an opening of about .000001 cm.  I could go on and on, because I HAVE BEEN THERE!

Luckily there is a cure, it’s called learning from your mistakes and lying through  your teeth.  Here are some of the little white lies I tell my son, to keep my sanity.

1.  Everything is closed.  Don’t want to go to the park today? Oh sorry sweetie it’s closed.  Don’t want to go to Fun Factory? Oh sorry baby, they are closed.  Don’t want to eat at McDonalds? They’re closed, darn it!
2. It’s rotten or old.  You want ice cream for breakfast? sorry it’s rotten, gotta throw it away.  You want to eat those chips? They are stale.  You want to eat candy? Oops, it dropped on the ground, sorry it’s no good!
3. Everything is not for sale.  I want the pezz mommy! Oh sorry, looks like it’s not for sale yet.  You want the cake? sorry, looks like it’s old and not for sale anymore (you see, sometimes you can mix it up and use two in one sentence to make sure you got all your bases covered!)

I’m sure this will only last me for maybe, another few years, when I’m sure he will figure out that parks don’t close at 10 in the morning, it’s not always raining, and the cake in the store is actually for sale and not rotten. Until then, I will enjoy my vanilla ice coffee, and pat myself on the back every time I avoid a meltdown and a 1 hour crying fest over an old M&M.

So when you are standing in line, and your little one catches a glimpse of a shiny package of snickers, pick it up and take a look, (make it believable people), point to where it says high fructose corn syrup and say “Oh OH, it’s old, see it says right here its expired and old. The lady is going to have to throw it away.  Let’s get something else like apples!”

XO Thay